A prize of................... erm........................ some thing goes to the first person who correctly guesses from which song the title line comes from.
Been a while since I left a message here, soooo much has happened in the mean time.
My Birthday. Fiasco of sorts, people, namely my friends, should know I'm crap at organizing. Then others don't listen to me when I do actually manage to pull my finger out. Hence I don't and actually only celebrated my birthday when some others organized something for me.
Glastonbury rocked. mud only improved it. Crappy disposable cameras don't really cut it at events such as this. Hence my pictures Suck!!!
Mates "stag" party. I say "stag" do, there wherent any strippers, although fast dogs where in abundance. Still things like that happen when you go to the Dog track. The day event was a day airsofting. Again people don't listen to me. Running around in twice as many layers of clothing will make you hot and sweaty. Hotter and sweatier than a spray of deodorant will cover up. People didn't listen and ended up following the plan I had been pushing for anyway. Apart from one who couldn't stand the heat of it all and threw up on the way back due to heat stroke. Arguable about if he had listened to me it would have made him better, but again he didn't. I don't know why I bother. Mind you he does seem to enjoy calling me fat. If you could see me, you may well understand how much kama bit him on the ass that day.
Upside: Marpat looks PIMP! IM the nutter running around in the balaclava, full pictures can be found here: http://www.hydra2005.co.uk/stagday.htm. with the m4 s-system. I might need some new MARPAT though as my father, in his infinate wisdom, put it in a 40 deg C wash which washed some of the colour out.
London won the Olympics bid for 2012. My mother celebrated this by moaning about how taxes will rise to pay for it. For somethings I'm willing to pay for quality. Shame others are to blind to notice the benefits, also added towards my reasons to wanting to attempt to be a police officer.
Terrorists blew people up in London. Not soldiers, not policemen, or any other volunteers who acknowledge that their lives could be on the line. Every day people. London has put up with worse.
More to say later,
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Monday, April 11, 2005
bad things happen in three's allegedly....
Buried my aunts body last week. thursday infact. it hadnt really hit me till then. neither had her size. she was tiny............. i mean i always knew she was small, but not that small. i was also astounded by how many people she knew................. or had touched and wished to pay respects, so many people who had felt her glow.
after the ceremony came the celebration of life................ we all went to my uncles golf club and drank the free bar dry. ok so we didnt, but we damn well tried. we, well the younger members of the crowd, laughed and cried and reflected. and quoted simpsons, family guy and other such silly nonsense. the amount of family there was amazing, i hadnt seen that many members of the family in one place in a very long time. also it was good to see my second cousins parents in the same place at the same time. this hadnt happened since they divorced, but its stupid that it should take an event of such magnitude to get them to share pleasantries. but they did, and their daughters where quite greatful.
i was quite amazed at how many of my aunts friends i actually knew. and how many i hadnt spoken too. too many to get around in one evening, thats for certain.
some of my friends dont actually understand how important family is, when i say im going to have a meal with my grandparents, they say things like "bunk it off". not on your life. i may get bored, but the same thing can happen with my friends. however blood is thicker than water, especially in this family. my ex couldnt get on with her family, i dont think id be the same without mine. i love them to bits.
heh talking of women, an interesting story..........
Met my aunts half sister for the first time at christmas. oddley attractive girl, i say girl she is ten years older than me. and before anyone goes ............................"ewwww", my aunt married in, so technically we're not blood related. even so i have to admit its bloody close to home. any way not long into the drinking sesh, said half-sister to my aunt has to go. fair enough, she grabs her mother, my aunts step mother and tries to guide her out of the beer garden. as she's leaving she turns round and says loudly "oh YOU'RE [him], you'd make a good toy-boy". the half sister gets embarresed and flusters her way out of the beer garden. only to run back in and apologise for the drunken mother.
score.
scratch one for the fish....................... well sorta....... (although the other thing that just hit me is the old tick tock of the body clock)
moral of the story, dont meet enough girls my own age, but thirty plus year old, relations of deceased members of the family.......... no probs........................
and i still dont know if its right or not.................
other than that, boring weekend. (heh although i have to watch another man crash and burn while trying to chat up some of my female friends i may just wet myself.) (no wonder i can find some women intimidating with friends like these...........)
found out that my gran, the one with the stroke. might be going down with senile dementia.
yep. over the moon about that.
not.
oh and slightly more trivial: they cancelled ghost recon 2 on the pc.
sometime soon something, no matter how small, has to go right for me.
they say spring is all about new beginings, perhaps now is the right time to start again.
in the mean time, before i go to bed, ive got to feed the only pussy im going to sleep with tonight. where has the bloody cat gone??
after the ceremony came the celebration of life................ we all went to my uncles golf club and drank the free bar dry. ok so we didnt, but we damn well tried. we, well the younger members of the crowd, laughed and cried and reflected. and quoted simpsons, family guy and other such silly nonsense. the amount of family there was amazing, i hadnt seen that many members of the family in one place in a very long time. also it was good to see my second cousins parents in the same place at the same time. this hadnt happened since they divorced, but its stupid that it should take an event of such magnitude to get them to share pleasantries. but they did, and their daughters where quite greatful.
i was quite amazed at how many of my aunts friends i actually knew. and how many i hadnt spoken too. too many to get around in one evening, thats for certain.
some of my friends dont actually understand how important family is, when i say im going to have a meal with my grandparents, they say things like "bunk it off". not on your life. i may get bored, but the same thing can happen with my friends. however blood is thicker than water, especially in this family. my ex couldnt get on with her family, i dont think id be the same without mine. i love them to bits.
heh talking of women, an interesting story..........
Met my aunts half sister for the first time at christmas. oddley attractive girl, i say girl she is ten years older than me. and before anyone goes ............................"ewwww", my aunt married in, so technically we're not blood related. even so i have to admit its bloody close to home. any way not long into the drinking sesh, said half-sister to my aunt has to go. fair enough, she grabs her mother, my aunts step mother and tries to guide her out of the beer garden. as she's leaving she turns round and says loudly "oh YOU'RE [him], you'd make a good toy-boy". the half sister gets embarresed and flusters her way out of the beer garden. only to run back in and apologise for the drunken mother.
score.
scratch one for the fish....................... well sorta....... (although the other thing that just hit me is the old tick tock of the body clock)
moral of the story, dont meet enough girls my own age, but thirty plus year old, relations of deceased members of the family.......... no probs........................
and i still dont know if its right or not.................
other than that, boring weekend. (heh although i have to watch another man crash and burn while trying to chat up some of my female friends i may just wet myself.) (no wonder i can find some women intimidating with friends like these...........)
found out that my gran, the one with the stroke. might be going down with senile dementia.
yep. over the moon about that.
not.
oh and slightly more trivial: they cancelled ghost recon 2 on the pc.
sometime soon something, no matter how small, has to go right for me.
they say spring is all about new beginings, perhaps now is the right time to start again.
in the mean time, before i go to bed, ive got to feed the only pussy im going to sleep with tonight. where has the bloody cat gone??
Monday, April 04, 2005
beef? what beef?
First family meal with the extended family yesterday................ strangely (well until the end just before we all left) no one mentioned my aunt, although my uncle was there. It was good to see him, he seemed ok, but I can understand why my mum is concerned for him, he seemed subdued, quiet. Understandable, i guess. God knows how I'd feel if I lost my wife of 25+ years.
I could see my aunts body tomorrow. I dont think I will, there is a morbid part of me that feels that seeing a corpse is part of maturity, growing up. However seeing the corpse of someone so close is a little too much for me to bare.
Funeral on thursday. First one. i think "an experience" is going to be an understatement.
on other notes, (football/soccer notes) this made me laugh.............
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/n/newcastle_united/4405841.stm
So much for team spirit. Bowyer is a lucky man not to be sacked for such behaviour. The man I feel most sorry for is the newcastle manager. As if things arent hard enough for his team already its players have hit self distruct. Idiots.
Better news for the "Superblues"........ Chelsea (im a fairly avid fan if you cared) are 3 wins/9 points away from the premiership title. Although we do have two games against our biggest rivals in the future........... Man utd and Arsenal......... 7 games, 21 potential points. Only time will tell.
I could see my aunts body tomorrow. I dont think I will, there is a morbid part of me that feels that seeing a corpse is part of maturity, growing up. However seeing the corpse of someone so close is a little too much for me to bare.
Funeral on thursday. First one. i think "an experience" is going to be an understatement.
on other notes, (football/soccer notes) this made me laugh.............
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/n/newcastle_united/4405841.stm
So much for team spirit. Bowyer is a lucky man not to be sacked for such behaviour. The man I feel most sorry for is the newcastle manager. As if things arent hard enough for his team already its players have hit self distruct. Idiots.
Better news for the "Superblues"........ Chelsea (im a fairly avid fan if you cared) are 3 wins/9 points away from the premiership title. Although we do have two games against our biggest rivals in the future........... Man utd and Arsenal......... 7 games, 21 potential points. Only time will tell.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Speaking too soon
You know its funny. You blab away thinking that the world stops while you speak. It doesnt. Sometimes you think you know all the facts. Sometimes you dont but you are convinced you do.
So after writing my first blog yesterday, i returned home from work that my auntie had died that morning.......... that woman so full of life, energy, bubbly and confident had passed away to leave a cold shell of the woman who she was. A woman who supplied such light to our lives, has lost a battle against the dark shadows that plagued her x-rays. I feel this blog is going to be plagued by cliches and well used lines. Thus as much as i hate to say it, she will be missed.
On top of all of this, I feel greatly for her husband, my uncle. Ive been led to believe (after all sometimes you dont know all the facts!) being told that if the worst did happen, she could be resusitated but it would happen repeatedly and could eventually lead to brain trauma. consequently he submitted what ever the british equivelant of the DNR order is (you will have to forgive how watching to much E.R has effected my terminology). Up until now I felt this sort of thing would be easy, but being able to see the love in his and her face the last time I saw them in hospital together, I wouldnt wish this decision to be made by anyone. I dont think I could have made it for anyone, I guess only time will help with the "what if" thoughts, that will no doubt plague him. Saying that both my head and my heart says that he did the right thing.
Personally, I think my immediate family fear im loosing the plot. After hearing the news of what had happened to her I sat down watched tv with my father and together we laughed at the dry sarcasm that weaves through Stargate. Dinner was made and I ate with my family. It was a quiet meal, Eastenders penetrating the silence like listening to the traffic. While relaxing in the garden. You didnt have to listen or watch it but its there to remind you of the world continually mooving. I'm glad it was on, I think the silence would have been to much for me while I was eating. Eastenders came and went, as did dads "Bitza" (bits of left over meals thrown in together. Most of these come from the freezer, before people think he is trying to bump us off with Salmonella and E. coli poisoning).
After this I decided to go and play football as I do every tuesday. I still dont know if this was the best thing to do. Part of me feels I should have been at home with my family, the other part is glad I went, I enjoy the run around, the effort involved. The sweat and the heart pumping. I dont know the people there too well, they are all essentially friends of a friend. Thus I didnt really feel I could tell anyone about what had happened. Part because of how I dont really know them, part because i didnt know what they would think of me. Should I have been at home?? I still dont know. What I do know is that I enjoyed the football. Is it perverse?? Should I have stayed at home hugging my sister because she found my aunts msn address still there on her msn or should I have gone out and done what my aunt did best: LIVE??
After football and watching "CSI" with my parents, I watched a tv show called "Street Wars". I like this show, a sort of documentry based in Guildford, showing the police going about doing their buisness. They do also show clips from around the world, but primarly its set in Guildford. I have great respect for the police, more so than some of my friends even though they abide by the law. Conscequently watching them restrain someone to the floor after a drunken brawl in a night club, is of great amusement as well as respect. It's also good to know someone is looking over you while I go for a drink with my mates. The thing I dont get is people who turn violent after a few "jars". What the fuck is wrong with them?? Perhaps im a peace loving hippy. Perhaps i can enjoy myself without the need to smash someones face in. Perhaps i can hold my drink and i know my limits. Perhaps my parents brought me up to be a respectful person. Eitherway its good to watch the police do their thing. (Talking of which, ive got the application form at home for the British Transport Police, I am going to have to fill it in.)
After that I went upstairs and showered. I always wait a while after tuesday night football before I shower. Disgusting I know, but on a tuesday night its not like Im gonna go out and get laid, so I dont care. Besides it gave me some time on my own to collect my thoughts about my aunt, about her life and how she influenced mine. after a emotional shower (and running out of shower gel! why do I get distracted by little things?) I returned to my room. To sleep. Or at least attempt too..
One thing though kept on going through my mind evey since I found out what has happened. How can I help my family (both my immediate and extended), what things can I do to help them? Should I think about my self? Should I think about my aunt?
I guess this tangle of emotions will unravel after time.
So after writing my first blog yesterday, i returned home from work that my auntie had died that morning.......... that woman so full of life, energy, bubbly and confident had passed away to leave a cold shell of the woman who she was. A woman who supplied such light to our lives, has lost a battle against the dark shadows that plagued her x-rays. I feel this blog is going to be plagued by cliches and well used lines. Thus as much as i hate to say it, she will be missed.
On top of all of this, I feel greatly for her husband, my uncle. Ive been led to believe (after all sometimes you dont know all the facts!) being told that if the worst did happen, she could be resusitated but it would happen repeatedly and could eventually lead to brain trauma. consequently he submitted what ever the british equivelant of the DNR order is (you will have to forgive how watching to much E.R has effected my terminology). Up until now I felt this sort of thing would be easy, but being able to see the love in his and her face the last time I saw them in hospital together, I wouldnt wish this decision to be made by anyone. I dont think I could have made it for anyone, I guess only time will help with the "what if" thoughts, that will no doubt plague him. Saying that both my head and my heart says that he did the right thing.
Personally, I think my immediate family fear im loosing the plot. After hearing the news of what had happened to her I sat down watched tv with my father and together we laughed at the dry sarcasm that weaves through Stargate. Dinner was made and I ate with my family. It was a quiet meal, Eastenders penetrating the silence like listening to the traffic. While relaxing in the garden. You didnt have to listen or watch it but its there to remind you of the world continually mooving. I'm glad it was on, I think the silence would have been to much for me while I was eating. Eastenders came and went, as did dads "Bitza" (bits of left over meals thrown in together. Most of these come from the freezer, before people think he is trying to bump us off with Salmonella and E. coli poisoning).
After this I decided to go and play football as I do every tuesday. I still dont know if this was the best thing to do. Part of me feels I should have been at home with my family, the other part is glad I went, I enjoy the run around, the effort involved. The sweat and the heart pumping. I dont know the people there too well, they are all essentially friends of a friend. Thus I didnt really feel I could tell anyone about what had happened. Part because of how I dont really know them, part because i didnt know what they would think of me. Should I have been at home?? I still dont know. What I do know is that I enjoyed the football. Is it perverse?? Should I have stayed at home hugging my sister because she found my aunts msn address still there on her msn or should I have gone out and done what my aunt did best: LIVE??
After football and watching "CSI" with my parents, I watched a tv show called "Street Wars". I like this show, a sort of documentry based in Guildford, showing the police going about doing their buisness. They do also show clips from around the world, but primarly its set in Guildford. I have great respect for the police, more so than some of my friends even though they abide by the law. Conscequently watching them restrain someone to the floor after a drunken brawl in a night club, is of great amusement as well as respect. It's also good to know someone is looking over you while I go for a drink with my mates. The thing I dont get is people who turn violent after a few "jars". What the fuck is wrong with them?? Perhaps im a peace loving hippy. Perhaps i can enjoy myself without the need to smash someones face in. Perhaps i can hold my drink and i know my limits. Perhaps my parents brought me up to be a respectful person. Eitherway its good to watch the police do their thing. (Talking of which, ive got the application form at home for the British Transport Police, I am going to have to fill it in.)
After that I went upstairs and showered. I always wait a while after tuesday night football before I shower. Disgusting I know, but on a tuesday night its not like Im gonna go out and get laid, so I dont care. Besides it gave me some time on my own to collect my thoughts about my aunt, about her life and how she influenced mine. after a emotional shower (and running out of shower gel! why do I get distracted by little things?) I returned to my room. To sleep. Or at least attempt too..
One thing though kept on going through my mind evey since I found out what has happened. How can I help my family (both my immediate and extended), what things can I do to help them? Should I think about my self? Should I think about my aunt?
I guess this tangle of emotions will unravel after time.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Blog'o'licious
"All aboard the last train to blogality"...............
Thought I was gone miss this bandwagon.
*phew*
This is my diary to world, personal, opinionated........... No doubt someone on the interweb super surf board highway will think it will be complete and utter B.S. (and bad English)
To be honest this is just a vent, something and somewhere to blow off some steam. The past month or so has been turbulent for me, various family members being struck ill, one probably wont return back to normal, (a blow not only to my family emotionally, but also to also to our stomachs. She could make the best chocolate cakes and cheese scones we had ever had) the other one currently being in hospital with cancer. Every one is hoping for a swift recovery, trying be strong for someone who was one of the most energetic people I ever known, but a toll of drinking and smoking can knock the life out of anyone, not just a middle aged aunt.
I guess these things are sent to test us. My mother said as we ate dinner "two things are certain in life: you get born and you die". Morbid, to say the least, considering this is her mother and sister in law. Also, sadly, true.
All of this is being typed when i should be checking for the "deceased" clients for my work. Strange how its hard to seperate these things when they are so close to home.
Thought I was gone miss this bandwagon.
*phew*
This is my diary to world, personal, opinionated........... No doubt someone on the interweb super surf board highway will think it will be complete and utter B.S. (and bad English)
To be honest this is just a vent, something and somewhere to blow off some steam. The past month or so has been turbulent for me, various family members being struck ill, one probably wont return back to normal, (a blow not only to my family emotionally, but also to also to our stomachs. She could make the best chocolate cakes and cheese scones we had ever had) the other one currently being in hospital with cancer. Every one is hoping for a swift recovery, trying be strong for someone who was one of the most energetic people I ever known, but a toll of drinking and smoking can knock the life out of anyone, not just a middle aged aunt.
I guess these things are sent to test us. My mother said as we ate dinner "two things are certain in life: you get born and you die". Morbid, to say the least, considering this is her mother and sister in law. Also, sadly, true.
All of this is being typed when i should be checking for the "deceased" clients for my work. Strange how its hard to seperate these things when they are so close to home.
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